Awkward sex happens. In fact, you can almost guarantee that it’s happening somewhere in the world right this very second – it’s that common.
Whether it’s your nerves, her nerves, the wine or some seriously bad timing – when you’re with a new partner sometimes the tiniest mishaps can be an instant vibe killer. But next time the unexpected happens, rather than admit defeat, just remember that there’s a way to recover from pretty much any awkward encounter. Truly. And to help prove our point, Yeong Sassall speaks to sexologist Giverny Lewis about five seriously common (but not serious) scenarios to find out how to deal with them.
1. You couldn’t get it up
Maybe it was nerves or one too many beers… either way, you really failed to rise to the occasion.
“All guys have a bit of trouble sometimes, and you really just need to be honest with her,” says Lewis. “If it’s the beer, say it. If you’re really nervous, let her know. She’s probably freaking out that you don’t find her attractive or she’s been doing something wrong, so make sure you reassure her.” In fact, the absolute worst thing you can do in this scenario is say nothing at all. Not only is it weird, it’s kind of impolite! And another thing – just because you’re not quite ready, don’t assume she’s not. “She may be rip-roaring to go,” adds Lewis, “so shift your attention onto her to make sure you’re not leaving her in the lurch.”
2. You climaxed too early
Blame overexcitement or the breaking of a dry spell, but your performance lasted less than a minute and now you’re left wondering how to make it up to her.
“Twenty four per cent of Australian men have reported reaching orgasm too early, so you’re not alone buddy,” says Lewis. “And with around 80 per cent of women having difficulty reaching the Big O through penetrative sex alone, she’ll be more than happy for you to finish her off in another way.” Just because you got to the finish line, doesn’t mean sex has to be over. “Put the ball back in her court and ask her what she would most like: consider moving to oral sex, using your fingers, or maybe even getting her favourite toy out. She’ll forget about your early finish pretty quickly.”
3. You got interrupted by someone or something
Whether it’s an interruption in the form of a nosy pet, your roommate or an emergency phone call, the moment is now ruined.
“There’s a fine line between not panicking and keeping on rolling like nothing happened, and you need to get the balance right,” says Lewis. “If you’re interrupted by something awkward which doesn’t actually need your attention (a pet/roommate/knocking on the door), keep it discrete – there’s no room to stop completely.” And if it’s an actual emergency? “That becomes your priority. Explain to your partner that you’ll have to ‘pick up where we left off’ later on, then go deal with the situation.” While stopping in the heat of the moment does kinda suck – there’s an upside to this scenario: “You’ll probably find you’ll have super-hot sex later with all that pent up energy,” says Lewis.
4. Nature calls, at precisely the wrong moment
Farting/burping/sneezing/needing to pee is a part of life, but what happens when you’re still getting comfortable with each other and you can’t recover from the embarrassment?
“We’ve all tried to palm the odd expulsion onto someone else – your friend, the dog, a mysterious passer-by. But this is a situation where you can’t blame anyone else,” says Lewis. And it would be wise not to even try! “You’re human, so acknowledge the sound/smell/full-body spasm, laugh it off, and then move on.” You want to address the elephant in the room, but not dwell on it. “And lastly, remember this moment: it’ll give you good fodder for comedic relief later.”
5. You failed to get her even remotely excited, let alone orgasmic
How do you get in tune with what she wants in bed?
“Try checking out her reactions and body language first,” suggests Lewis. “Pay attention to the way she’s moving, her breathing and other noises – you’ll be able to pick up on what’s working and what’s not doing anything.” And if all observation fails (although it really shouldn’t!), there’s always the direct tactic. “The best way to find out what someone likes is to ask them – most women will happily tell you what they like and, if you’re really lucky, she might even show you,” says Lewis. “Swallow your pride, listen to her and follow her lead – you’ll both reap the rewards.”