When single and dreaming of your true love most people don’t picture TV dinners, forgotten anniversaries, household gifts for special occasions, apathy about appearance, going to bed at different times night after night, or nagging about shared domesticity. Rather, the outlook is rosy, with flowers, chocolates, lavished attention and affection and lots of laughter and bundles and bundles of romance. We fall in love with the TV commercial of a blissfully romantic relationship.
Do people really expect a romantic relationship to be filled with diamond encrusted love hearts, constant, adoring kisses and sweet smelling flowers every day? Not really. We are busy in our modern lives. Many people spend more visual and sensual touch time with their smartphones than with their partners each day. Our expectations of romance often are fairly realistic and in fact standards are often not high enough to nurture and maintain a happy, healthy romantic relationship. If we don’t practice romance together, it can wither. So what happens if you feel your partner isn’t romantic enough? What happens when you know what you’re missing and you’re really, truly missing the romance in your relationship?
The answer: get romantic. Romance is not a one way street. Whether you’re a man or woman, you don’t just receive romance, you co-create it in your relationship. You’re both responsible for how romantic your relationship is. Yes it may feel unfair to do all the heavy lifting of being romantic, at first, but if your relationship isn’t the way you desire it, then you need to set the tone and give examples of what it is you desire. And when it comes to romance, you can say what you want and why, but it’s much more powerful to show what you want because then your partner understands how good it feels and why it’s important to you.
Try these ways to improve the romance in your relationship, especially when your partner “isn’t getting it” about why it’s vital to you and your relationship.
- Initiate affection with your partner. Show them how little touches and flirtations throughout the day can lead to higher libido – bonus!
- Compliment your partner – praise what they do, what they say, how they look, any effort they’ve made. Praise your partner to others, whether they are in earshot or not (it is likely to get back to them anyway).
- Plan a surprise of something you know they will love and be touched at your thoughtfulness.
- Figure out what your love languages are, and your partner’s here and take note of the similarities and differences.
- Flirt in public. Be that couple people stare at in envy. Life is short, embrace it, and each other.
- Make your partner feel special on a regular basis. Make a great meal, give them treasured alone time, go out on well planned dates. Don’t be the human equivalent of the good china, hidden away in the cabinet to be used maybe once or twice a year for super special occasions. Bring the good stuff out, whatever it may be, in each other, frequently. They, and you, are worth it!
- Arrange for your partner to have something they’ve been missing. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Just something you know they crave or miss and give it to them so they appreciate how good it feels to have the satisfaction of something you’ve been missing. If they don’t get the hint, spell it out: just as you’ve been missing (fill in the blank), I’ve been missing romance with you. It feels good doesn’t it, to finally have something again that you’ve been missing!
- Finally, talk to your partner about how you feel about romance and why you love it so much, how it energises the relationship and makes you feel secure and very loved up.